I’m Gay.

Sorry for the misleading title but something tells me you clicked on the link because of it. Actually, I’m not gay. I’m not married. I don’t have children. And yet I’m just as frustrated and angry for my friends and for my beloved country during this same-sex marriage debate as though I was a gay man.

I can’t believe I live in an advanced society where a vast sector of our population treats our gay brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, friends, esteemed community leaders and education members (as well as those in every single other profession and hobby, including the good ol’ Catholic church) and their right to marry as though they were convicted felons and whether they had the right to vote or as though they were inbreeding zombies who eat their first born.

Give me a break.

I used to think the opponents to gay marriage all had bibles stapled to their foreheads and thus could only see the biblical passages directly in front of their eyes as the basis of their guidance (anti-gay marriage).  That’s not the case. The basis for the belief that gay marriage should not be legalized rests in the rearing of children.  What the opponent will point to is even more far fetched than a giant whale or a burning bush that speaks, it’s that studies show that raising a child in a two sex (M/F) home leads to higher quality societal development, confident in their solidity of their family.[1] When compared to a home with a single mother and absent father does anyone disagree?  But do you see multiple disconnects in these arguments! ?? Look again.

1) Raising children  2) absent dad do not negate the value in couples of the same sex and their right to marry.

Raising Children:

Before I attack your stance against marriage, let me look at your raising children in same sex home stance. If you’re going to tell me that a child with a loving home of mom/dad is a better home than mom/mom or dad/dad, than you’re living on a big ol’ ark with a bunch of male/female animals. Any chance any of those animals were gay? Probably not, huh? That would just destroy the whole story (sarcasm is dripping off the page).  Your argument that children need a “father’s” presence in the home, with the appropriate involvement in his children’s lives ignores the fact of what makes a man a father.  Or a father a man.  Can a woman not be a father? Nope, biblically or otherwise she cannot, but she certainly can do all the things a dad does.

In our narrow-minded society some people color gay men and gay women as stereotypically “feminine” and “butch”, respectively. But they don’t know the gays I do.  I’m wiling to bet dollars to communion wafers that most opponents don’t even know a single gay person.  And that’s not to say that these personality labels don’t apply to some gay men and women.  But not every straight dad chews tobacco and drinks Budweiser. Just like not every hetero-mom wears an apron, watches soap operas and drives a mini van.  Times have changed folks.  A long time ago.

They certainly don’t know my parents neighbors.  My mother, who travels days and sometimes weeks at a time, leaves my step-dad during her working getaways.  To keep him occupied and knowing that he won’t do much without their convincing, Marsha and Suzanne (same-sex couple; next door neighbors) will invite and convincingly insist that Garry (step dad) come over to watch the ball game (SF Giants), drink beer (only microbrew), do home construction and sometimes home decorating projects.  Butch right? Yep, maybe, but also all of the same things that a regular ol’ dad can do.   If Marsha and Suzanne decide to have children, in whatever way they utilize, do you think playing catch in the backyard, or going on a camping trip or showing junior how to change the oil (something neither my step or biological dad every taught me) will be a problem? Me neither.  A woman can be a dad.  She can also be a mom.  The parts down-below do not define this.

They don’t know my friends Josh and Brent who after kicking the ass of 10 other teams in a race around the world went for 1MM (including yours truly) went back to their farm in upstate New York where they milk goats, pitch hay, slaughter pigs and generally do the things that a big, strong, tough guy like me doesn’t have the kiwis to do.  And when they’re done and they kick off their knee-high, shit-kicking boots and Carhartt jackets, they go into the kitchen and whip up the best three-cheese mac and cheese and gruyere popover sandwich with fried eggs and spinach you’ve ever had. Sometimes they take pictures of these meals, sometimes they photograph the juniper or rhododendron in their immaculately kept garden. Do you think junior is getting an inferior child rearing experience by being raised in this sometimes very masculine and sometimes very feminine home? Me neither.

The list goes on and on. From gay neighbors to gay celebrities, our society succeeds when the home is loving, filled with laughter, emotion, communication, and structure.  The antiquated structure need not be “mom” and “dad”.

The issues as it pertains to children should always be considered and in this case the result is that two parents of any sex can raise a child just as the same as any heterosexual couple.  Marriage provides permanence and security for children, and those are extremely important for children’s well-being.

And yet none of this has to do with marriage.

The two-sex (M/F) home argument is the red herring for the anti gay marriage movement and it’s time to push it all off the top of the Mount Sinai. Are we such a great society with our 50% divorce rate (raising hand) that we should opine as to our great control over the institution and who should be allowed in?  I ask people that express opposition to gay-marriage this one question; HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOU? How is your life impacted? It’s not the smoking marijuana issue (although that’s a sweeping change), or even the seatbelt issue (where the state has a right to protect its citizens ). Who are we protecting and from what?  It’s most definitely not the role of our government to make this decision. But that’s a blog post for another day.


In the great words of a famed American actor, “You’re not homophobic – phobia is a fear – you’re not afraid, you’re an asshole.” – Morgan Freeman, Twitter.



[1] From a CNN.com 2009 story, Dale O’Leary, author of the book “One Man, One Woman: A Catholic’s Guide to Defending Marriage,”


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